Note:

This blog is now retired. My new site is at: Predictably Irrational.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Do You Think I'm Sexy?

There is a a Cathy comic strip that has never left my memory. It has Cathy and her gal pals, at the beach, wrapped in their towels...too embarrassed to show their bodies in their bathing suits. There's a fat man, lying on a chair, with no shirt, and his big belly out there for all the world to see.

The ladies are talking about him: "Ewww. How can he just lie there, looking like that?" "How is he not embarrassed by the way he looks?" "I can't believe he can just lay there without concern!"

Then the last cell has him, behind his sunglasses, thinking "Look at those girls checking me out."

Yes. You men. You are so full of yourself.

Tim often asks me, especially when we are at the pool "How do you women have sex with us?" Because you men come out there, take your shirt off, and have a big belly, and/or a hairy back -- which you refuse to shave because you think it'll grow back twice as thick. SHAVE IT. Then shave it again. It's disgusting single-ply, or two-ply.

Also, another observation from Tim, as we passed a shirtless man mowing his lawn...if *I*, yours truly, were to be topless, I would be arrested for indecent exposure. Yet some men can come out with their double Ds and get away with it. What is wrong with you people?

The Anthony Weiner case. Another example of an arrogant fool. He takes a picture of his hard-on to tweet to ladies. Really? You think that highly of your hard-on that a woman is going to like to see it? 

And perhaps, I am in the minority. That the idea of looking at someone's penis, or a hard-on, is going to make me go "Yes baby. That does it for me." But it doesn't. A man's penis is not the most attractive thing in the world. Similar to the quip in the clip below, it looks like some almost-extinct creature that lives in the depths of the ocean. Yet there are men everywhere that think women are turned on by that shit.

I remember, long ago, in a far away land, I was dating a pretty conservative guy (I was young). At some point during one of our phone conversations, he told me about how his mom bought him new colored underwear. OK. That was NOT sexy *at all*...and I wasn't even thinking that it was sexy...I was just thinking "Why the fuck is he telling me about his mom buying him underwear?" Yes. I cursed then too.

So I moved on in the conversation...thinking how nonsensical his underwear anecdote was. But he interrupted me with "Aren't you going to ask me what color I'm wearing?" I threw up in my mouth and was like 'this is so weird...WTF is wrong with him? I am utterly disgusted.' But I was young. I asked. It was red. And because I was so traumatized by this episode, I haven't forgotten it to this day.

I am sure there are women out there in the world that like that kind of shit. Not me. And neither does Kristen Schaal.


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3 comments:

  1. That woman is hilarious. Oh my god.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I understand why you would be traumatized by that! What was he thinking?!? Awesome post!

    ReplyDelete