Note:

This blog is now retired. My new site is at: Predictably Irrational.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

It's Not Gaydar...

Although I think I have a bit of that in me too...  you know, the ability to sense that another person might be gay? I am pretty accurate when I sense it...it's that I don't always sense it with every gay person I encounter.

My other great ability is too sense the Christian person.  And it's not a conscious effort. It's as if my inner Satan in me comes out when I least expect it. Here are a few recent examples:

A couple of weeks ago, I was playing grass volleyball. I tend to have a potty-mouth but I have been able to make a habit of screaming "god bless America" vs. all the other crude words I prefer to say. On this particular day, at a pretty innoucuous miss play on my part, I yelled - really, really loud - GOD DAMMIT!!! There were a couple sitting at a picnic table nearby and I immediately apologized to them. They were laughing and the guy said "you know there's a prayer group going on over there...hahahaha..." I laughed it off too.

When our game was over and I was heading back to the gym, I noticed a large group of people at the picnic shelter...which is right next to the field where we were playing volleyball. Sure enough, it was a prayer group and I realized that it wasn't a joke. OOPSY!

A few days ago, I went running with a couple of friends of mine...one a new friend "Kevin".  He ran with me during the "Don't be skerred 5k". We got to be workout pals from out bootcamp class and with a few other friends, he joined the Titan Your Pants team for the Gladiator 5k. So it was tres amigos: me, Jenian and Kevin. I decided to come clean with Kevin and tell him how much I appreciated him pulling me through the race. But I also decided it was OK to let him in on my manic brain and reveal to him the torment that goes through my head during the end of a race.

"When we turned that corner? I wanted to tell you to just get the fuck away from me! I was so pissed at how much hurt I was feeling and you were the only one to blame. Hahahaha! $Bill is so used to this...he has run with me so many times. He thinks I am whack!"

Kevin sort of laughed and then apologized. "Don't apologize! It's not you...it's me! You just have to have a coat of armor when you run with me." I say with such egotistical enthusiasm.

As i walked up half mile hill, while the other two ran it, I had plenty of time to reflect on this conversation. "Hmmm...I hope I didn't offend him."

I caught up to Jenian (thanks to her long walk break) and mentioned my concern about offending Kevin. I expected her to say 'nah. Don't worry about kevin. He's cool like that." Instead, she said 'yeah. I don't know quite how to read him."  "Well, as long as he's not like some religious freak" I interrupted...to which she replied "oh, he definitely is...doesn't drink or do stuff like that..." My heart sank - just a little bit.  I like Kevin so I certainly didn't want to offend him...but, as Jenian offered, she and her fellow teammates already offended him with their drinking in the AM at the gladiator 5k and he's still voluntarily running with us.

OK. She didn't quite say that :-)  but I thought it would be fun to throw her under the bus since she will probably be reading this. :-)

Regardless, my point is: my evil incarnate comes out when I am around religious fervor. These are two examples. But I have yelled the C-word in front of my deeply christianed MIL, cursed the f-bomb around my BFF's future full-of-faith MIL, asked a Christian couple from our neighborhood if their impending birth of twins were Siamese. I don't have to be consciously aware of it...it's like turrets syndrome! I can't help it!

But I'll try...at least while I am out with acquaintences. Otherwise, what you see is what you get.  And while that sounds a little full of myself, you all can be just as bad as me...if not worse. You know who you are...

1 comment:

  1. A different take on gaydar or christian-dar. I thought at first that you meant you could always tell when someone was christian. As i read on, amused, i realized your christian-dar means you behave "badly" around them without being able to help it. Unfortunate b/c it is uncontrollable, but i say people need reminders not to take themselves so seriously!

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