Note:

This blog is now retired. My new site is at: Predictably Irrational.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Pay It Forward

This wasn't intentional. I wasn't set out to be a do-gooder. It all happened, actually, by accident.

So I'm waiting in a long-ass line at the Durham Bulls Athletic Park for a Newcastle. The line was long, in part, because the 'hostess' was slow-as-shit serving beer and because the line included only foodies.

I waited way too long for a freaking Newcastle, but in the end, it was worth it because 1) I did something good (and that makes me feel good...and after all, it's all about me) and 2) the Newcastle was GOOD.

Oh, and I also got a free hat from the hot-looking Newcastle girls...wish I had gotten a picture taken with them.

I am sort of oblivious to my surroundings, as I am trying to figure out why the hell it is taking so god-damn long to get my beer. Tim and the girls had already purchased food and were at our seats...and here I am, standing in this god-awful-long-ass line, with so many people around me (I hate crowds)...and actually, we are really close to one another, standing in this line...so I have now allowed strangers to venture into my personal space...by standing and waiting for ONE beer.

I noticed a few of the people in front of me...and just a couple behind me, since we are SO CLOSE in proximity.

There were two teenaged boys at the very front of the line. One of the boys had gotten his food and moved horizontally to the condiments stand. As soon as he placed his food there, plop! His french fries fall all over the floor...and I mean ALL OF THEM. Not a single french fry survived the disaster.

And let me note, these are not just any french fries, but the kind that taste really good. The kind that are stood up and crowded in a big paper cup. The kind of fries you buy a hot dog to go with...really, it's the fries that star in the show...everything else is just supporting roles.

My first fleeting thought was: wow, that sucks for him. My second fleeting thought: well, that'll learn ya. You should have been paying attention (this is probably what I would tell my girls). And then my next thought was, man, he's gotta to be sad about losing his fries...he needs to re-order...

So he asked his good buddy, who was still in the front of the line, now waiting for his food, if he would get him another order of fries...and he hands him $3 to buy them. To my amazement, his buddy turned him down. WHAT???? WTF is your problem? You are dissing your friend for his fries?

I don't know why his friend wouldn't buy them. Afraid that he would piss the slow hostess off? I have no idea what goofy teenaged geeks think, but he would NOT BUY HIS FRIEND AN ORDER OF FRIES.

So now I'm getting a little peeved that he was dissed by his friend.

I notice the young man scooping up his fries off the filthy floor, which, BTW, is RIGHT UNDER the condiment section, so you know it is even more disgusting.

But he scoops up his fries and places them back into the paper cup.

My first thought is: no way -- you cannot EAT those. I start contemplating on how I am going to tell this boy that he CANNOT, SHOULD NOT, eat those fries.

But he tells his "buddy" that 'it's okay...i'll just eat 'em...no problem'...he's content in his thoughts to just suck it up and eat the damaged fries. So I think, well, he is young so he can probably survive any deadly bacteria those fries acquired during their horrific death.

So I re-focus myself on where I am in the line...thinking the boys were done and on their way to the game. I now have two men in front of me, who also received free Newcastle hats.

I'm checking them out: they both have big ass camera bags on them -- who carries these anymore? One is heavy and the other is not (but not skinny)...and they're both about my height.

My assessment of these guys is interrupted when young teenager approaches one of them and asks if he would allow him to order french fries in front of him, since he had dropped his.

And do you know what happened? The dude blew him off ENTIRELY! IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!!! IN FRONT OF ME!!! I was stunned! Does this really happen? One young man cannot re-order french fries without going back to the end of this LONG-ASS LINE?? What has happened to people, people???????!!!!

Did I mention that I was stunned? Although my blood is not boiling, I now determine that the two men in front of me are just doofus' that will never get laid in their entire lives...AND BY GOD THEY DESERVE IT.

So the kid is standing there, kind of in disbelief, but more like -- how am I going to get my french fries?

After a few seconds, I turn to him and I say, clear and loud "If these guys won't help you, you can get your fries before I place my order."

I was half-expecting them to change their mind but they didn't, so either they didn't hear me or they didn't care. I think it's the first one, because, you know, I can't be ignored.

It wouldn't matter to me though...even if they did change their mind, I had them in one of Dante's circles.

When we got to my turn, I decided to place the entire order because speedy-the-hostess was not working for me. "One regular fry, one Family Fry and one large Newcastle please."

I quickly received the regular fry and turned to the boy and gave them to him. He attempted to give me his $3 and said "Keep the change" (It was $2.75), to which I replied: nope, I got it. You lost you fries...keep your $3. He kept insisting, and instead, I did the "shoo" thing with my hands to leave and told him to use his $3 for something else.

I turned back to get my own fries and Newcastle and as I left the line, one of the men behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said "That was a very generous thing you did" and I gave him a curt 'thank you'...unintentional, but at that moment of do-goodness -- I was oblivious to everything around me and just had the intention of getting that boy his fries and me, my Newcastle.

BTW, those two morons in front of me that wouldn't give the time of day to this teenager? They really fucked up their karma because had they did something nice for that boy, they would have been able to go home with those Newcastle chicks and had the best lay they could ever ask for in their lifetime.

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