This blog is now retired. My new site is at: Predictably Irrational.

Saturday, April 19, 2008


I don't want to do this because it's just going to come out very mean...but it is too funny not to mention in my blog.

Friday night was another Girls' Night Out outing. The plan: hit a place for pole dancing (YEAH!) lessons, then hit a restaurant afterwards for drinks and food. There were four of us and we were extremely excited about the pole-dancing. When I mentioned it to Tim he said he was measuring the bedroom out for where the pole would be installed. ;-)

The hot ladies came by my house to tote me over to the pole dancing place...but first, we had a glass of wine (or two for me) to loosen us up about our soon-to-learn dance moves. After that, we're off...

The address sounded very familiar to me. And when we got close enough, I figured out why: it was the location of CJ's old-and-now-defunct dance studio from several years ago. As we pulled into the parking lot, it was quite obvious that this place was PACKED. We were not the only ones interested in doing some side work...

We kind of knew that this particular Friday would be an open house, so there would be several classes going on. So this probably explained why this place was so packed...but on a Friday night? Aren't there bars and restaurants to hit vs. a 'fitness-dance' facility?

We were greeted with a nice lady who gave us a tour of the facility. First stop: jump roping class.

This was very interesting. The room is the same room that CJ did her practice dance routines for family show days -- a large room with mirrors and benches in the back for the moms & dads to sit at while the practice goes on. For jump-roping class, the benches were filled with women watching about a dozen women jump rope.

What was odd was that I would see a couple of women jump-roping and the rest were, well, doing slow-moving jump-roping moves. I could hear the instructor instructing, so I was extremely curious to see how the woman was doing with the jump rope. Note: I did a jump-roping class (ONE) and it was HARD. Then I did jump-roping for another fitness thing and it was HARD. I was a great jump-roper as a kid but something changes when you hit 39.

Anyway, I finally found the instructor and I just wanted to laugh: she had no jump rope! She had a microphone on, ala Britney Spears, but NO JUMP ROPE. She merely moved her hands and feet in a jump rope motion while 'instructing' the participants to do what she was doing WITH A ROPE. An unfair advantage, if you ask me.

I later learned from the tour hostess that the people sitting on the bench were mainly sitting there because they were tired of doing the class. Really? Couldn't they just emulate the instructor and just rotate your wrists and hop?

I heard one of my girlfriends ask about the pole dancing and the tour took us over to another room...this room had about 23 poles (we learned from the tour hostess). Each one had a patron on it...different shapes and sizes :-). But when I saw the instructor, I truly thought I was stuck in a Saturday Night Live skit.

Let me just preface what I'm about to say with: I think everyone, no matter, how big or small they are, should have fitness in their lives. I am not the most shapely person in the world and I promise you, I hold no negative judgement on anyone who is not fit.

But to see who was instructing the POLE-DANCING CLASS...well, how do I put, you expect someone who is is similar-looking to those who might do pole-dancing for a, I don't know, a stripper?

And preferably, a stripper that is from a _nice_ strip joint.

HERE IS WHERE I AM GOING TO BE MEAN, but it's the only way to describe what I saw.

The instructor was tall -- in her extremely high heeled stripper heels -- but she had the shape of a troll: no butt, big gut, and blue-veined legs with feet pushed into those heels. She had boxed-dyed red hair and super tight shirt and super tight, super short shorts -- so we could really see how flat her ass was and how big her gut was.

I thought this whole thing was a joke. But no -- I was told by the tour hostess that the participants LOVED her. I saw her wrap her blue-veined leg around the pole and swing around...and the other women did it too...but, um, well, it just wasn't sexy. In fact, it was completely the opposite of sexy.

Needless to say, we abandoned our pursuit of pole-dancing _here_. I can't speak for my fellow girlfriends...I have no idea what they thought and I didn't share my thoughts to this degree because I knew it would be just plain MEAN.

But the night went on without pole-dancing and instead, we enjoyed some good food and some belly-dancing at Oliver Twist.

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