Note:

This blog is now retired. My new site is at: Predictably Irrational.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Conference Etiquette

Since I just returned from a conference, I thought I'd share some suggestions, for future attendees of _any_ conference, of some basic, general etiquette while listening, among other PAYERS, to conference speakers:

* Don't hold a pen and click it's "on/off" button over and over. You may find this soothing, but most attendees find this annoying as hell. And it's NOISY. STOP. You're not cool. You're an asshole.

* Turn your cell phone off. So maybe, you know, you forget! Okay, no problem. That is forgivable. But after hearing one dingbat's phone ring, this should remind you to check yours out and turn yours off. When yours goes off about 15 minutes later, then you are a dickweed.

* Turn your cell phone off. I repeat myself for those who think the ring is who I'm addressing. No, it's you other assholes who feel so freaking important that you check your blackberries every god damn minute. If you're that god damn important, then don't sign up for the conference. How can you absorb any information if you're checking your stupid messages every five minutes? And that mad dash to the door, as though you were the President of the US just getting word on the World Trade Center...oh wait, our president didn't do anything...so who the hell do you think you are that you rush out, disrupting the 'harmony', as though you were someone important. Unless you are Bill Gates, you are DISPOSABLE. Give it a rest. We are not impressed.

* Stop talking. You know, an occasional whisper to your neighbor is fine, but once you start conversing about your boring process that you manage to create at your workplace, well, the rest of us could care LESS. And even less than less. Now, we want to tell you to SHUT THE FUCK UP but we aren't quite sure if you are, in fact, Bill Gates.

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