This blog is now retired. My new site is at: Predictably Irrational.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Randy, Randy, Randy

I've had my crushes...lots of them. My recent celebrity crush is David Beckham. Hubby mentioned to CJ, while seeing Beckham debut in the US, that 'there is mommy's new crush'. CJ replied with a very sarcastic "Great. Now he's going to make me play soccer."

Deadpanned it. As if 1) Beckham and I would be together and B) no sorrow in her heart that her dad was out of the picture, when Beckham and I were together.

But none of these celebrity crushes will compare to my first crush, Randy.

Several years ago, I found Randy's e-mail address. I e-mailed him. He wrote back this line "Hey you. I remember you." blah blah blah. I don't remember the rest because I probably fainted from just the "hey you" line.

Well, what do you know. Out of the blue, on a normal, average Sunday evening, Randy sends me an e-mail. It's been, I don't know, maybe four years since his "hey you" e-mail. I couldn't believe it. RANDY e-mailed me.

I downplayed it. Well, it is kind of downplayed. I've been extremely busy ruminating over other things, which prevented my heart from skipping four beats (it skipped two).

But there are no words to describe how meaningful Randy has been in my life.

Randy was my first REAL puppy love and lust crush during middle school. We always sat at the back of the bus and were mean, or funny, or whatever to one another.

My crush for Randy never really developed for a few years.

First, there was the obsessive crush for Tim (not the one I am married to now) in the 6th grade. I was IN LOVE with him. He gave me nothing. I rooted for the Philadelphia Eagles because he wore an Eagles shirt during PE -- my only class with him.

He knew I had a mad crush on him and just blushed over it, but NEVER gave me the time of day. NEVER.

Never say never. At some point, he eventually gave into my obsession and asked me out. FIVE MONTHS of stalking obsessiveness, he finally asked me out. OH. MY. GOD.

Well, that lasted about a day. The first kiss scared the shit out of me and I broke it off. You laugh, but I was in the seventh-f**cking-grade for gods sakes!

That obsession died fast. As in immediately.

But my puppy love for Randy did not.

What is sad, however, is that time stood still for me, with regard to my feelings for Randy. I remember specific moments that, to this day, make my heart skip those four beats. I remember one of the last things he said to me before I left for the US of A.

During two trips back to visit my old haunt, I rode by his house, just hoping to see a glimpse of him, but never finding the balls to actually stop and ask if he were around.

And throughout high school and my earlier years, I thought of my unrequited love for Randy.

He moved on and I doubt remembers much of anything about me. Sure, he remembers me, but he'll never recall the day that he pissed me off and gave me the headphones to his walkman that played Chicago's "Hard to Say I'm Sorry", a song that will never let the memory of the moment leave me...and will always remind me of Randy.

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