This blog is now retired. My new site is at: Predictably Irrational.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Not a Book Review: Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge

I heard about this book from my BFF and the title won me over. I had to read this and understand what these twenty things are. I didn't know what to expect. Maybe #12 was 'find out about my biological parents" and #4 was "Know I love you (my adoptive parents) no matter what". I don't know yet if that's what the book says because I cannot read further than chapter two.

Before I continue this post, I have to say that I am not an adoptee nor am I currently an adoptive parent. I also know very few adopted children, as well as few adoptive parents. This means I have no earthly idea of what it is like to be adopted, to try to adopt, nor the process regarding adoption.

As a layman, I believe adoption is a powerfully emotional event that lives with everyone involved for the rest of their lives. I have great admiration for people who adopt. I believe that people who choose to adopt are making a bolder, more life-impacting decision in their life than having a baby biologically. I think about how easy it is to HAVE a baby, whether one wants a baby or not, but to choose to have a baby by adoption is, I believe, a much more mature-thinking decision. It may be naive and ignorant of me, but that's what goes through my mind.

I would like to think that one day my family and I will pursue adoption. I was an only child and I had always wanted a baby brother. Adoption, unfortunately, was out of the question in my home.

I have two beautiful children of my own. When I had the first, I was okay with doting my love on just her. About two plus years passed and then I wanted to give HER a sibling. My gift to my precious child. Then my second child was born and voila! I found that this gift was for all of us and even better than I ever thought it would be.

Seeing how much I loved both of them, equally powerful emotions -- and seeing how much they loved one another -- I knew it would be wonderful to expand our family and share the wealth.

I have yet to pursue this beyond research only. We are just not ready. But, I try to keep the education going so that I have some tools and information behind me in case there is a day that comes where we are ready to pursue this.

This book will not sway thoughts. This book, up to just chapter two, made me feel so ill and depressed. I can only wonder if potential scared or nervous adopters would read this book and think, I don't think I can get into this kind of situation.

I have to say again: I HAVE NOT READ THE ENTIRE BOOK. I cannot bring myself to read it -- it has turned me off. It has a four star rating on Amazon with 158 reviews, so this is definitely a book for many people out there.

I did read similar reviews that shared my feelings. I also read a few angry reviews against the people who did not like this book.

Essentially, the book describes an undeniable loss an adoptee will have as soon as they are adopted, whether they are six years old or six days old. This loss will haunt them for the rest of their lives and it is a loss that no adoptive parent can ever understand. But read this book and I guess you can figure out how the adoptive parents can deal with their child's grief.

From the get-go, the writing seems to be from a very angry, depressed adoptee who had a terrible upbringing. I have no earthly idea of that's true, but the emotion that resonates off the tone of the writing is of bitterness.

I don't know if I can continue reading this book. I want to give it a chance and hope to learn something. But re-reading the table of contents turns me off.

I don't know who out there reads this blog, but I would be curious to know what things you would want your adoptive parents to know.

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